The 3 Natural Human Tendencies You Need To Change
There comes a moment in everyone's life when we say what if we did things a bit differently back then. What if we chose a different path?
Most of us have regrets at some point or another. Decisions we made that seem to have been incorrect ones when we look back and see it from the place we are today. Regrets about choices we made, the friends we spent so much time with who aren't there with us today, the partners we loved who we let go and today they seem to be so happy without you.
Well, the last one is what I am focusing on right now. I met a close female friend today who told me about how much she regrets breaking up with her ex-boyfriend few years ago since now he is a big star who comes on TV and her current boyfriend is nowhere close to being as popular as he is.
I didn't know what to say to her since in some ways I happened to bump into an ex-girlfriend a couple of weeks ago and we ended up talking for over an hour at a coffee shop. She told me how much she regrets breaking up with me (she was one of those rare girlfriends who broke up with me, usually the other way round) since her husband is such a complete jerk.
Not only do girls have regrets about breaking up with their boyfriends but many guys have the same issue these days. Seems like there was a period between 2002 to 2006 wherein many of us broke up with our mates. Just made that up!
Now all of us regret breaking up because as human nature prevails in such cases we always believe that the grass is greener on the other side. It's easy for us to see only the good things in the lives of others while conveniently ignoring the 'not so good' things.
It's common for us to look at the little mole on our partners' faces instead of appreciating the beautiful face and smile that she has. We tend to focus on the weak points in our own personal lives while looking at only the strong points of those of others.
There is a strong presence of regret, jealousy and even low self esteem that blossom inside of us as far as looking back at our past is concerned. We should be happy with what we currently have, stick to the choices and decisions we ended up making, being loyal to ourselves and loved ones, but yet, it's so common to go astray and walk in the other direction.
Well, as a marriage counselor, it so happens that I've come across dozens of cases where clients regret leaving their current husbands or partners for someone who they loved in the past. They left someone perfectly loving and good just because when they compared them to someone in their past it seemed like the old boyfriends and girlfriends were better and so they felt that they had made a wrong choice in breaking up with them.
The fact of the matter is that almost all these clients of mine ended up regretting that they left their current partners for some "ex" in their past. A regret that caused these people to break up with their current partners and then they ended up regretting that they broke up with their current partners for someone who was "in reality" much worse than their current partners (well exes now).
Bottom line, is that we all have regrets at some point or the other and it is a common tendency for human beings to think that the grass is greener on the other side. I mean, take a look at the jets full of immigrants alighting at a Canadian Airport (or an American One) and you will know that so many people think that Canadians and Americans enjoy a much better life than the one they had before they decided to immigrate.
Usually, most of these immigrants end up regretting that they left their home countries to venture abroad but very rarely do they admit it to others. They put on this false front where they show everyone how great their "new" country is. They tell us stories of how beautiful things are there, how much better their lives have become after immigrating there, and below all those lies they end up missing their homelands so much after immigrating that they just don't want anyone to know how foolish they were to leave their native lands for seemingly greener pastures.
It's common for Indians who go abroad to suddenly (and magically) love everything connected with the Indian culture. They start loving Indian food so much, love watching Bollywood movies when they never would bother watching those movies when they lived back home in India, they want to celebrate every single Indian festival in a grand way abroad (including our Republic Day and Independence Day), listening to Indian music becomes the trendiest thing to do when they would only listen to American music when they lived here in India, they also keep track of all the results and LIVE scores from the IPL and any Cricket tournaments where India is playing.
Yes, it all started with a regret and it suddenly begins when we start thinking that the grass is greener on the other side. Never is, never will be. It's just that we alter our perceptions to make believe that whatever decisions we make are actually the right ones (even though sometimes they aren't). This is exactly what spiritual gurus, life coaches and motivational speakers use to manipulate us and change our thinking to whatever they want us to believe.
We make a decision and then we do everything to prove that the decision we made was the right one, even if it wasn't. Few of us have the courage to stand up and admit that we made a poor decision and that we should probably change it before it's too late to do so. Very few.
Most of what I've said in this post might not make complete sense to you if you look at it in a biased and "closed" mind fashion. But if you read it through another time (this time with an open mind) then you will know that whatever I've said is based on facts and actual regrets that people have in their minds and lives.
I'm not saying don't immigrate to Canada or USA (or wherever you want to go). It's the fact that we tend to look at the grass on the other side as greener than our own is what I wish to highlight most in here.
You might want to read up on the Placebo Effect online after you read this post another time. It has been proven that you can get anyone to do almost anything for you if you can prove that it is in their best interest for them to do whatever you want them to do for you.
On another similar note, we can even cure headaches and mild fevers simply by swallowing a pill that someone we trust gives us. That pill might not be a cure for the headache or the fever but still you recover quickly because you think that the pill you swallowed was the right medicine that was given to you.
It's natural to find status updates and posts on social media sites being "liked" and shared much more when many others have already "liked" and shared them before we saw it. I have completed a few experiments where I have proven conclusively that most people end up clicking the "like" button on a post that already has thousands of "likes" even without spending a few seconds analyzing whether it's worth "liking" that particular post or not.
Just the fact that others have liked a post is usually enough for us to believe that the particular post deserves our "like" too. Yeah, and if you don't follow the masses then you are either as sensible as I am or you are just lying about being uniquely "you".
Anyway, the fact is that we as human beings tend to regret some things, think that the grass is greener on the other side, and have a strong tendency to follow the crowd. So we usually end up doing things that others have already done.
It would be a refreshing and welcome change if you and me broke these natural born killers that exist in our lives (and on our planet) from today. It would be awesome to forge ahead on our very own terms, without regret, without imitating everyone else, and walking on paths that no one else has tread on before us. Be unique, be original, no point being like everybody else, you are different, you are special, and most importantly it's vital to remember that the grass on our side is as green as the grass on the other side. Perhaps greener!
Audio Book Creator. Life Coach. Soft Skills Trainer. Counselor.
Meditation Practitioner. Food Technologist. Frugal Marketer.
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